Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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