i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
