Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
