can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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