I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Operation Purity has been aborted
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
