ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
