Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
