3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
