I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
a search helicopter?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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