my sisters under your porch take her home
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
