i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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