I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
