i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
