i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize