I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
