sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
