3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
