Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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