Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
