Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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