I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
