i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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