i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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