Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize