maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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