I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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