My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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