I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize