I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
