She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
