Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
