I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
