is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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