The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm jealous of your bromance
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
