She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
