Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
