I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
