I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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