Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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