Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize