You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
