Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
