are you so shy because you have an std?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
