she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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