i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
