You're a womanizer and a bitch.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
