I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
