U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's Friday. Sex?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
