I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
