So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
