I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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