Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
