Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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