____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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