You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
