And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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