I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize