Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
