You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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