Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
