Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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