I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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