but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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