I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
