If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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