she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
