so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I stole a fireplace last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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