Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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