When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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