vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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