Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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