He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
