Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
