Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
