Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
