Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
