I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dear god my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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