Don't make out with my wife yet
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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