So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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