god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
