Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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