from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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