The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
