He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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