I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
