My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
