so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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