After last night, I could never be a politician.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
