Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
