i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
