So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
