Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
