I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
