i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize