:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
