The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
