Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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