We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
